Grief Counseling in San Rafael, CA and Online Throughout California
When You Feel Numb, Lost, and Like You Can’t Go On
The death of someone you love changes everything. The world keeps moving, but your life feels like it has stopped. The loss of your loved one has left you devastated, feeling as though you can’t go on. You my feel numb, in a fog, lost, not able to cope, or afraid you will never feel like yourself again.
Every day you catch yourself wanting to call them or reach out to them, but they aren’t there. You wait for them to walk through the door, and then you remember again that they are gone. You are helpless to stop the pain you feel inside. You may feel guilt about things you didn’t say or do, or wonder how life can keep going without this person here.
You might think you are going crazy. One moment you feel sadness, the next fear, anger, guilt, or nothing at all. Too many emotions can move through you in one day. Sometimes you cry, sometimes you have outbursts, and sometimes you feel completely hopeless. You can’t concentrate or think through the things you need to get done.
Grief has taken over your whole self.
The grief is felt in your body too. Your chest aches. You have no energy. Your appetite is gone, or you find yourself reaching for food, alcohol, or anything that dulls the pain for a while. Sleep doesn’t come easily, or you sleep and wake up exhausted anyway. You feel physically sick. You may want to be alone because no one really seems to understand your pain, or because you are tired of people trying to fix it.
Other times you feel so lonely and desperate for connection. Your relationship with the world, with yourself, and even with your spiritual beliefs may feel shaken. The things that used to give you comfort may not help the way they once did.
You really feel you need someone to talk to who won’t judge you or try to fix the pain. You need a safe space where someone will listen, understand, and simply be with you in the grief.
A Compassionate Personal Approach to Grief Therapy
Michelle Baumgartner, grief counselor in the Bay Area
I’m Michelle, a licensed grief counselor in California offering grief counseling in San Rafael and online throughout California. I specialize in grief and loss counseling for people who have experienced the death of a loved one, but also other significant losses-divorce, loss of a home or job, or a serious illness.
I won’t judge you or try to fix your pain. I will listen with an open, caring heart. I provide a safe space for you to express the deepest feelings about this loss, including the things you may not feel able to say anywhere else.
Through grief counseling, you can begin to discover that you are not alone. We will explore the grieving process and what it looks like for you. Many of my clients find relief in knowing they are not “crazy” as they share the thoughts and emotions that bombard them daily. Grief can feel confusing, overwhelming, and impossible to understand. There is no "right way" to grieve.
Together, we will work with the initial shock and numbness, and then the fear, intense pain, sadness, anger, guilt, and loneliness. Your process of moving through this is unique to you. We will go at your pace, not the pace anyone else expects.
At first, I will support you in focusing on the basics of your self care so you feel like you can function. We may talk about sleep, appetite, rest, and what feels possible right now. I may also teach you mind-body tools, such as breathing, centering, mindfulness, or guided imagery, to help you cope with waves of sadness, fear, and overwhelm.
When the Loss Was Sudden or Traumatic
If your loved one died suddenly or unexpectedly, grief can carry a layer of shock and hyperarousal or shut down that sits in the body as much as the mind. Intrusive memories, nightmares, a racing heart, trouble feeling calm, or a sense that your body is always bracing can be common after a loss like this.
I draw on Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, a body-based trauma approach, to help these reactions settle and process so that you can eventually work with your grief without being overwhelmed by the symptoms. We do not rush into the details of what happened. We work slowly and carefully with what your body, nervous system, and emotions are carrying in the present moment.
The goal is not to erase the loss or force acceptance. It is to help you feel supported enough to keep taking small steps through the grief.
Your Well-Being and Finding Your Footing Again
Loss can shake the beliefs you have relied on, spiritual or otherwise. We will make room to explore whatever feels true for you now, even if that is anger, confusion, emptiness, or uncertainty. You do not have to pretend to find meaning before you are ready.
Over time, grief counseling can support you in honoring the person you lost while also finding a way to keep living your life. This does not mean forgetting them. It does not mean “moving on” in the way people often say it. It means slowly finding a new relationship to the loss.
When you are ready, I will walk through this with you as we develop small, steady steps back into life: work, family, friends, relationships, and the parts of yourself that still need care and compassion.
There is no timeline for grief, and no version of it that is more valid than another. Whether the death or loss happened recently or years ago, you do not need to walk this path alone.
Compassionate Grief Counseling in San Rafael and Online Throughout California
I offer grief counseling in San Rafael, CA, and online grief counseling throughout California. My approach is compassionate, supportive, trauma-informed, and grounded in the belief that grief is not something to fix or rush.
Alongside grief counseling, I also work with trauma, somatic concerns, cancer, and the transitions of women through midlife and menopause.
Slowly the "unbearable becomes bearable." You don't need to walk this path alone. If any of this resonates, you are welcome to schedule a free 20 minute phone consultation to see how I can support your journey.
My other specialties include trauma therapy, somatic therapy, cancer therapy and coping with chronic illness, and women’s health and wellness/menopause transition.
Frequently Asked Questions About Grief Counseling
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Grief counseling is a supportive form of counseling for people coping with the death of a loved one or another significant loss. It gives you space to talk about the loss, the emotions you are carrying, and the ways grief is affecting your body, relationships, routines, and sense of self.
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Grief is not something you simply get over. It can affect your thoughts, emotions, body, relationships, identity, and sense of meaning. You may feel numb, sad, angry, guilty, lost, relieved, confused, or overwhelmed, sometimes all in the same day. There is no right way to grieve, and there is no timeline you are supposed to follow.
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Grief often lives in the body as well as the mind. You may feel it as chest pain, fatigue, tension, numbness, restlessness, or trouble sleeping. Somatic therapy can help you notice these body responses gently, in the present moment, without forcing yourself to relive the loss or move faster than you are ready to move. In my work, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy may be used to support grief therapy when loss is connected with trauma, shock, or overwhelm.
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Friends and families can be important sources of support, but they may not always know how to listen without trying to fix your pain. Grief therapy gives you a safe, private, supportive space to say what you may not be able to say anywhere else. A grief counselor can help you understand the grieving process and support you as you cope with the changes this loss has brought into your life.
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Some people talk about stages of grief, but grief does not usually move in a straight line. You may feel numbness, sadness, anger, guilt, acceptance, confusion, and love all in the same day. It's normal to protest against the loss. There is no right way to grieve, and there is no set timeline you are supposed to follow.
Recent thinking has moved away from a fixed stage model that everyone goes through as they grieve. Instead J. William Worden, PhD identified the “Four Tasks of Mourning.” Alan Wolfelt, PhD identified the “Mourner’s Six Reconciliation Needs.”
Worden tasks include: 1) To Accept the Reality of the Loss. 2) To Process the Pain of the Grief. 3) To Adjust to a World Without the Deceased. 4) To Find an Enduring Connection with the Deceased in the Midst of Embarking on a New Life.
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Mindfulness means bringing your full attention to the present moment, whether that is a thought, emotion, sound, or sensation in your body. It is practiced with curiosity, openness, acceptance, and compassion. In grief counseling, mindfulness can help you notice what is happening inside without judging yourself for feeling it.
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When a loss is sudden, violent, or unexpected, it is common to carry the effects of trauma alongside grief. Trauma often lives in the body as much as the mind. I use Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, an approach that works with bodily sensation and movement, to help the arousal in your nervous system regulate and to process any difficult memories, through the body, without re-traumatization.
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Not always. A death often brings changes beyond losing the person themselves. These are sometimes called secondary losses, such as changes in your routine, your role in your family, your relationships, your identity, or your sense of purpose. Grief counseling can help with those changes too, not just the loss at the center of it.
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Grief counseling is typically provided by licensed professionals such as LMFTs, LCSWs, psychologists. Sometimes it's provided by religious or spiritual practitioners. Some therapists specialize specifically in grief and loss. A variety of grief counseling options are available in Marin County, and local therapist directories can be a helpful starting point if you are comparing your options. In my practice, I specialize in grief counseling and provide a safe, supportive space to help you move through the grieving process at your own pace.
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Grief therapy takes different amounts of time for different people. Some people come for support during the first months after a loss, while others begin grief counseling years later when the pain, numbness, guilt, or loneliness still feels hard to carry. There is no fixed timeline for the grieving process. We move at a pace that respects your loss, your nervous system, and what feels possible for you.
Sometimes grief counseling involves into a deeper, lengthier therapy as other issues reveal themselves and desire exploration and healing.
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Yes. Feeling numb is a common part of grief. Sometimes numbness is the mind and body’s way of protecting you from pain that feels too much to hold all at once. In grief counseling, we can approach that numbness gently, without forcing you to feel more than you are ready to feel.